


You Aren't The One Who Dies

by ajaxanddylnn



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Death, Multi, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 09:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10487349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ajaxanddylnn/pseuds/ajaxanddylnn
Summary: John's last thoughts





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by His Theme by Caleb Hyles  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4V72s-VtRU

John felt the pain explode through his chest before he even saw the redcoat or heard the gunshot go off. He fell to the ground, gasping for breath that wouldn’t come. His soldiers were falling around him and the air reeked of blood and gunpowder. Someone called for retreat and John didn’t even realize he was being picked up until he got jostled too much and let out a cry of pain.

The soldier holding him, a young man named Lucas, was whispering how he was going to be okay, but John knew that this was the end. He let his eyes close, ignoring Lucas’ pleas as he let his mind wander to his friends and family. Oh, how he misses them all. Martha, James, Henry and Mary, his beloved siblings. John never got to apologise to all of them for leaving. Lafayette, Hercules and Alexander…

Oh Alexander, his sweet, beloved Alexander who never knew when to stop. John remembered the first time he saw the man, questioning Burr and having a desperate need to rise. Alexander was a hurricane and god damn, John had been sucked in. Lafayette and Hercules had been as well, just not to the extent that John had. Alexander had somehow wormed his way into their little family. They were a revolutionary set, a joking nicknames Washington and others had given their small band. There was never one without the other.But now John was all alone in South Carolina while Lafayette and Alexander were fighting the war in Yorktown and Hercules was spying. 

John finally pried open his eyes. They were still running and he could still hear the boom of the guns as redcoats continued to chase them. Britain was losing the war and it made sense that these soldiers would try to wipe out as many as possible when they had the chance. Lucas had stopped talking, too focused on not slipping in the now muddy ground and dodging gunfire. When had it started raining? John closed his eyes to stop the rain drops from hitting them, but he could still feel them hitting his skin.

Rain always reminded him of the first time he realized he was in love with Alexander. It was back in the beginning of the war, before they had even left Yorktown and they were simply unknown soldiers instead of Washington's aide de camps. The storm had been brewing for days and was no surprise when it had hit. They had been forced to stop most of the things they were doing and gave the higher ups a chance to form a better plan. Everyone else were simply waiting in their tents.

John had left the tent for a few minutes when the thunder started. When he had returned, Alexander was curled into a ball, nearly sobbing and flinching anytime thunder boomed around them. Alexander had told John about the hurricane and how he still suffered from the memories of it anytime a bad storm happened. So, the southerner quickly wrapped himself and Alexander in blankets and held the younger man close, singing the song they had sang in the tavern when they had first met in an effort to try and calm him.

The next morning, John awoke with Alexander's sleeping face inches from his own. The beauty of it, of finally seeing this non-stop man relaxed was absolutely breathtaking. He was left breathless at the realization his feelings for his best friend were definitely not platonic.

The jolt of Lucas diving behind a fallen tree pulled John from his thoughts once more. Everything hurt so much and the bleeding still hadn’t stopped. The cloth that Lucas had tied around his chest was completely red. John was going to die here. It was obvious, he knew and by the defeated look in Lucas’ eyes, the former slave knew it too. John was going to die here, soaking wet and covered in mud and blood while Alexander lived on his life with Eliza at his side.

Oh, sweet Eliza, who will never be able to calm Alexander’s storm. John remembered when he came up to him and told him about the wedding, asking for John to be his best man. Of course, he said yes with a huge smile that hopefully fooled everyone into thinking his heart wasn’t breaking as he listened to the man he was in love with ramble on and on about the girl he was to marry. 

The days leading up to the wedding had John never leaving Alexander's side. At one point, John believed Alexander returned his feelings so watching him marry someone else felt like he was losing him. At least the wedding came with alcohol and a new friend. Miss Angelica Schuyler, who watched Alexander with the same sad, longing look John did.

John felt the warm blood spatter across his face, watching the bullet rip through Lucas’ chest before the man fell, sending John rolling through the mud. He tried his best to pull himself in the mud in an effort to save himself. Any anger he held towards Alexander for not being here faded into relief and fear. Relief that Alexander would be living to fight another day. Fear that John was the one who was dying, that he would never see Alexander’s face again.

“John” a familiar voice whispered, making John stop his efforts of pulling himself through the mud. He peered through the rain and curly bits of hair that had escaped his ponytail in an effort to see where the voice was coming from, “To your left John,” The freckled man to see Alexander smiling down at him from where he was leaning against a tree not to far away.

“Alexander…” he breathed out, the relief and fear building, “W-what are you doing here?!”

The taller man laughed slightly, “I’m here to see you of course!” Alexander exclaimed, “Why else would be here?”

Something wasn’t right, Alexander wouldn’t come all the way from Yorktown just to see him. He was busy leading troops with Lafayette to do so. Now that John looked closer, he realized Alexander was completely dry and there wasn’t a speck of mud on the man. His hair had no strands sticking out and his uniform was completely intact and perfect. This wasn’t his Alexander, the Alexander that he’ll never see again.

“You’re not real!” John snapped, “Go away!” Alexander smiled sadly and with a blink of an eye, he was gone. John was alone.

John’s arms gave out, making him flop down into the mud once more. He rolled over onto his back, staring up at the rainy sky. The raindrops hit his face, cleaning off the blood and mud and giving him a strange sense of calm despite the fact he was completely alone. He was afraid still, of course. Here he was, stuck in a battlefield completely alone and having so many regrets.

He regrets never saying sorry to his siblings for leaving. He regrets never being able to meet young Mary. He regrets never telling Alexander how much he loves him. He regrets not being able to see how Alexander will change the world and flourish with his family. The world will never be the same with him now in it. This hurricane will create a new, better world.

That last thought chased away any fear still stuck in John’s chest and his vision blurred. Maybe this was all just a bad dream and he was waking up. Maybe he would open his eyes and be able to watch his love create this new world. The last image he ever saw was Alexander's peaceful face asleep in front of him before he fell unconscious from blood loss, never to awake again.

The next day, news of the war being over reached South Carolina and for all fighting to stop. It was already too late.


End file.
